Writers & Their Mended Hearts

Writers & Their Mended Hearts

This post is a part of an ongoing series entitled MIP {Man In Progress}. After my 25th Birthday I decided to improve three aspects of my life, and one of those aspects was my romantic relationships. My philosophy is that a writer’s work and his life are irrevocably intertwined and in order to improve one we inevitably have to improve the other.

Day One

There is a bouquet of sunflowers on my writing desk. Next to the bouquet is an envelope.

The note inside the envelope reads:

“I know you were working hard all day on your book. I thought this might cheer you up.”

I smile.

I put the note away and place the sunflowers in a cup filled with water. I stare at them. The yellow petals glow so brightly against the black spot in the middle, it is almost surreal.

Day Two

A hot bath is drawn. The steam rises up in delicate tangles.

I don’t feel like I deserve it. It hasn’t been a very productive day. I hesitate to enter.

“But,” I think, “it wouldn’t be nice to waste a bath that’s been drawn for me.”

So, I relax. My skin, my muscles, my soul. Relax.

I sigh.

It’s nice to be taken care of.

Day Three

This time there is a CD on my writing desk. There’s something written in black sharpie on the surface of the CD:

For you. I hope you like it.

I pick up the CD with great curiosity. I go to my car, turn on the engine, plug the CD in, turn up my car’s speaker and press play.

As I drive, B.O.B.’s “Magic” starts to play with none other than Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo singing the chorus. The song is followed by some of my favorite new hits, and every song is just at the right beat and rhythm I need to get me inspired.

I start to sing in my car. The people in the car next to me are staring at me like I’ve lost my mind.

I don’t care. I feel loved.

Day Four

There go my responsibilities.

I’ve been taken to the beach. I was supposed to be working hard on my novel, but my mind felt like a dried mop getting squeezed, and I swear I was a split second away from complete insanity.

I was staring at a glossy screen just a moment ago, and then I was taken away, brought here. To the sand. To the seagulls flying overhead.

A couple of yards to my left, the beach bums are building forts out of twigs that have floated on land. There is a sailboat in the distance. A couple is huddled beneath a sand dune a couple of yards behind me.

The sun is magnificent, and its petals brush across the darkness of the sea, glowing so brightly it is almost surreal. The ocean spray sprinkles across my face. The rolling and crashing of the waves brings my broken heart to a rest.

My feet are bare, and as I feel the grain of the earth underneath the arc of my sole, I sense an energy that resides near the ball.

I turn to face the line of shore–from high above, its only a brief dot on the whole stretch of California coast.

But, from the view of my humble eye, the line of shore is infinite.

I kick against the sand, and I’m off.

I run by the sea as it attempts to slap hard against my feet. But every time, it misses. The people at my side are a blur as I pass by. On the other side of me, the sun follows my path, its reflection skating across the waves.

Day Five

Lunch at the park.

Then: headed to a Japanese Tea Garden nearby.

Unfortunately, after lunch, it is discovered that the tea garden is closed.

I’m a bit sad. I was looking forward to it. I’ve been to it before. It’s a very peaceful place.

Oh well. It’s time to head back to my car.

I sit down in the driver’s seat, and before I know it, I find myself beginning to make a commitment.

I make a commitment to take care as long as I am capable of doing so. To not give up as long as I have the will. To make life worthwhile and joyful because it is well deserved. To trust, to respect, to love–no matter what happens. To ensure a bright future for the man I am now looking at in the car’s rear view mirror. The man who I am directing every single pledge of commitment to.

The man who has finally realized that he has to commit to himself, first, before he is ready to ask someone else to commit to him.

The man who is still a work in progress.

This man.  Me.

After I finish making my commitment, I turn on my car’s engine and ride home, alone.

4 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

  • Realize That Time Does Not Heal: I used to believe it when they said that “time heals everything.” The truth is that old wounds can heal over time, but not solely because time passes. Old wounds heal over time because you are working hard to heal the wound. It just so happens that working hard at healing your wound takes time. Make sure to work on healing the wound then, and don’t just rely on the passage of time to make things better.
  • Cry: I read a great book this past year that taught me a very important lesson. This book taught me that crying in itself is not sadness, it is actually your body trying to process your sadness in order to heal. We often think that if we resist crying, we will stop the flow of sadness. But in my experience, I have found that the exact opposite is true: when we don’t allow ourselves to cry, the tears get backed up, and we perpetuate sadness instead of preventing it. On the other hand, if we let ourselves mourn, for example, the end of a past relationship, we can allow ourselves to heal until we become open and ready for the next relationship.
  • Perform A Ritual: In some way, shape, or form you’ll have to get rid of the symbols, or objects, you may be carrying from past relationships. For instance, if you carry old photographs or mementos of this person, then that means you may still be trying to hold on to a relationship that has already ended. I hate to tell you this, but you’ll have to throw these objects and mementos away if you want to heal and move on. Getting rid of all the things that remind you of that person may seem simple, but trust me, it works. I promise you will feel much lighter and more open after you perform the ritual of letting go of the past.
  • Commit To Yourself: For one week, do one thing for yourself every day that you would have liked a romantic partner to have done for you. Then, as the week progresses, realize that you don’t have to wait for a partner to make your life worthwhile–you can have that experience now. Also, realize that you cannot ask someone else to commit to you if YOU are not willing to commit to yourself. You have to be the first one to be willing to commit to your personal health, to your dreams, and to your happiness, before you can demand someone else to do the same for you. Then, at the end of this week, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask: “Dear {insert your name}, will you commit to me for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and till death do us part?” Then, after a moment, answer: “I do.”

much love,


What will you do today to make it clear that you are committed–to YOU?

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Categories: MIP (Man in Progress)