Writers & Their Sex Appeal

Writers & Their Sex Appeal

This post is a part of an ongoing series entitled MIP {Man In Progress}. After my 25th Birthday I decided to improve three aspects of my life, and one of those aspects was my romantic relationships. My philosophy is that a writer’s work and his life are irrevocably intertwined and in order to improve one we inevitably have to improve the other.

Today, I want to talk about sex appeal.

I know, I know. I made you uncomfortable just by writing down the word “sex”–and that, I think, is part of the problem.

You see, somewhere down the line, I don’t know how or when, but writers stopped being sexy.

Was it because we were so sick of trying to live up to ideal notions of sexiness represented in magazines, advertisements, television shows, and movies, that we just gave up trying?

Whatever it was, just because we don’t feel like we can live up to mainstream notions of sexiness, doesn’t mean we have to give up being sexy all together.

Sure, we can tip-toe anxiously around our sexiness for the rest of our lives in order to avoid having to deal with its lack of resemblance to the ideal, but then we would be ignoring an important part of us that drives our confidence in many areas of our lives.

Why not, instead of ignoring our sexiness, we redefine what sexy means for us–and reclaim it as our own?

What Is Sexiness?

Recently, I realized that I needed to get past several insecurities if I wanted to open myself up to a new relationship; and it was actually finding my “sexiness” that helped me move past those insecurities.

This is because true sexiness has a lot to do with confidence.

We all know that no matter how physically attractive a guy or girl is, it’s their confidence that makes us really attracted to them. Without confidence, we simply aren’t drawn to that person, no matter how physically “sexy” they are.

That’s why, personally, I’ve redefined “sexiness” as being secure and confident in one’s own body and in one’s true, authentic self.

Sexiness is loving every part of your body, no matter how “unfit” or imperfect it is. Sexiness is loving every part of your personality, no matter how “quirky” or strange it is.

This is my definition, but in the end, true sexiness is only what we define it as.

For example, when I think of what I find sexy in a guy, some of the traits I am attracted to are things like intelligence, a sense of humor, or kindness.

However, these traits are ones that the mainstream culture would say a “sexy person” can easily do without.

And yet, for me, these traits are essential to my view of what is truly sexy.

2 Ways Writers Can Feel Sexy Again

So, how can we redefine sexy and reclaim it as our own?

Well, we can do two things:

1. We can make a list of what we find sexy in our partner, or in our potential partner. (i.e., intelligence, a sense of humor, kindness, etc.)

2. Then, we can look at that list, and instead of looking for a person who fits this list, we can see how we can exhibit those sexy qualities in ourselves in our every day life.

When I did these exercises myself, I found that, first of all: traits that were not conventionally seen as sexy (such as being kind), made me feel very confident and sexy nonetheless.

Second, I realized that part of my sense of sexiness came from me not trying to desperately live up to what others deemed as “sexy.”

I discovered that when you break away from conventional notions of “sexiness,” ironically, you feel very sexy doing so. Being confident and comfortable in your own skin, when you feel like you’re supposed to live up to some mainstream ideal of sexiness, makes you feel like a rebel. And rebels, by their very nature, are very sexy.

Bringing Sexy Back… For Writers

The best way to feel sexy again is to take back the definition of “sexiness” from the mainstream culture and make “sexy” your own.

Once you redefine sexiness for yourself, under your own terms, you may start to get more attention from the opposite (or same) sex.

And what do you know? That confidence and sexiness might even spill over into your writing, and you may find yourself getting more and more work done.

Who knew feeling sexy could not only do a lot for your relationships, but could also do a lot for your writing routine?

So, what are you waiting for?

Redefine sexy. Reclaim your own sexiness. Then do your little turn on the catwalk.

much sexy,


How do you define sexy? What do you do to reclaim your sexiness every day? Please share with us in the comments below!

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Categories: MIP (Man in Progress)