So, you’re having a day, eh?
I’m sorry to hear that.
I know what that’s like. I, myself, have had many bad days. They suck. I know.
But before you start trashing yourself for it, I’m going to stop you and tell you this…
1. You are never as terrible as you think you are, even in your lowest moments. There are legitimate douchebags out there who are such big dicks you think they’re trying to make an art out of it. Don’t ever compare yourself to them: not only because it is an insult to you, but because it’s an insult to the REAL douchebags out there who are the douchiest of the douche.
2. There are tons of people who have your back. You just don’t realize it. We are often warned against the fact that some people are always “talking behind our back” negatively or working behind the scenes to sabotage us. But we are never reminded of this equally pervasive truth: someone is always “talking behind our back” in a positive way to others, someone is always working behind the scenes to offer you support and protect you and you may NEVER know this is the case, because they won’t ever tell you this, because they do it selflessly, without need of praise for it, and because they are humble. Today, take a moment to honor all the secret ways in which several people in your life have protected you, supported you, assisted you and helped you grow and thrive that have been kept hidden from you. Have faith in the fact that you have angels “behind-the-scenes” that you never see who are always working in your favor, and see the good things in your life as clear evidence of that.
3. Your haters are your secret allies. When we are the fullest expression of ourselves, we may be seen as a “threat” to others. People want you to be smart, but not smarter than them. People want you to be talented, but not more talented than them. People want you to be good, but not more generous than them. People want you to be wealthy, but not more wealthy than them. When they try to push you down for being the best you you can be, this is their smallness and has nothing to do with you. They live in fear that you hold a treasure that they cannot attain. As for you, see these people as your secret allies: by pushing you down, away from them, they are leading you down a path straight toward the people who do not see your fullest expression as a threat, but as an asset meant to be respected and lifted even higher still.
4. Remember: Karma is instant. If you want to feel more love, give love. If you want people to hear you, then listen deeply to someone. If you want to be more rich, give someone poorer than you the financial support they desperately need. If you want more respect, look for the person in your life you’ve been disrespecting and show them more respect through your actions. What you lack, you are not giving. Give and you will receive.
5. Have you tried writing about it? That sometimes helps.
6. Have you tried talking to someone about it? Maybe they’re having a bad day, too, and it will make you feel so much better that you can share your experience with someone else.
7. Have you been treating yourself with sensitivity and tenderness during this time? A bad day will only get worse if you treat yourself terribly on top of it. If there was any day in your life when you really need to give yourself a break, it’s today. So lay off all the heavy-handed self-doubts, the mean self-criticisms, and the nasty self-judgements. Just give yourself some space to breathe without feeling that you have to be a superwoman or superman.
8. Did you let yourself cry? One of the worst things we do to ourselves on our bad days is we do not allow ourselves to feel the bad day. We don’t let ourselves scream, punch a pillow, or just cry out of sheer frustration, fear, or disillusionment. Despite what society has taught you: you are NOT a machine. You’re a friggin’ human being who deserves to let themselves feel their emotions and is allowed to deal with the fact that, sometimes, life hurts. So let it hurt. Don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt–that only makes the hurt hurt more.
9. Did you let yourself be unwise? I know I speak a lot about wisdom on this blog, but there are times when even wisdom can’t really help the situation. Sometimes we have to accept the fact that, in this moment, we may lack the wisdom that could save us. Sometimes we must embrace our own ignorance and just be okay with the “I-don’t-know’s” of the world. I, as your friend, can’t tell you why you’re having a bad day, or why this or that particular thing is happening to YOU and no one else, but what I can tell you is that NOT knowing the “why” of what’s happening is totally fine. If you can’t uncover the wisdom hidden in the situation right now, that’s ok. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself–sometimes you need to let yourself be a little unwise. Remember that “un-wisdom” is the only space where wisdom can eventually flourish.
Today’s Courage Exercise
Let yourself have your bad day.
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