What Is Karma? (And How Do I Heal It?)

What Is Karma? (And How Do I Heal It?)

For nearly eight years we’ve talked about karma, about giving and receiving, about relationships, family, friends and yes, networking with strangers.

Today, I’d like to review what we’ve learned about community over the years and how we can finally heal the karma we’ve accrued–whether it’s in this lifetime, or beyond.

Reaching Out

One of the first lessons I learned on Courage 2 Create, and it was an important one, was to be humble and ask for help when I needed it.

If you recall, I cited a study that said that people who had a community around them–family, friends, neighbors–had less health problems than those who went it alone.

We, humans, need connection. We can live without it, but we have no life without it.

Some of the ongoing mantras of Courage 2 Create have been “reach out if you need help,” “share your story,” “connect with someone to help release any pent up emotions.”

Don’t go it alone.

I do not think creativity can happen in a vacuum, and I don’t think courage is possible without a little helping hand.

What Is Karma?

Connection is where karma begins and giving is where it ends. I believe karma is positive: it’s for us and not against us, it’s not about punishment.

We grow spiritually if we help another and if we allow someone to help us when we are in need. Both have to happen if our “karma balance sheet” is to be in order.

This is hard, and it’s a lifelong process, for some of us it’s so easy to ask for help, but hard to lend a hand.

Others, like myself, get way too caught up in giving and forget that we need to open ourselves to recieve as well.

Karma is hard. It’s supposed to be hard.

Often, if we find ourselves hurting someone, we will find ourselves in a similar situation on the opposite end: the oppressor becomes the victim, the victim becomes the oppressor, and to add to that, this may be extended to yet another lifetime.

Some of you don’t believe in past lives and that’s okay, but if you find yourself stuck in a particular relationship in life and can’t find a solution to resolve the conflict among the conventional routes, I highly recommend you consider the possibility of a regression, at least so you can move on. I don’t think revisiting past lives is for entertainment purposes: it is for our collective awakening.

Love and Misunderstanding

The people who love you may misunderstand you and that is okay, but I have learned that you don’t want anyone around who doesn’t love you even if they understand you, for they are in love with understanding and not with you.

We cannot judge and love at the same time. No we cannot. It’s like riding a bike using only one hand, it just doesn’t work that way: if we can leave someone just because they changed it truly means we never really loved them in the first place. We loved our understanding of them, which is conditional love and not true love, because true love is unconditional.

Reaching Out To Help

Sometimes we are tasked with actively reaching out to help another. This is also no easy task.

Most people are resistant to help: healing can be scary, it means they have to face harsh truths, and who wants to do that? Better to stay in ones comfy illusions. Attack the messenger, call him nasty names, accuse him of bad intentions, avoid him, block him, find some excuse not to like him, when all you’re doing is pushing away the one person actually willing and eager to help you.

Be open to recieve help, be open to guidance, be open to unconventional ways of receiving healing and abundance. Your rigidity and strictness doesn’t help you: it suffocates the whimsical flow of life.

Sure: question things, challenge things be openly, healthily skeptical… but remain open.

The entire world is not a “vampire” as The Smashing Pumpkins once said: yes there are bad people out to hurt you, but there are also good people out there trying to help you, you cannot lock yourself up in a basement and then expect to be freed.

Be cautious and discerning, but don’t make it impossible to reach you, you’re only hurting yourself if you do that.

And for those reaching out: don’t stop. Even if people say no, or are mean to you, deep down they have been influenced positively by your desire to help, you’ve planted a seed of love that will grow one day even if you don’t get to see it.

Finallly: it is so worth it when you finally find someone open to receiving your help and able to see your worth: trust me you’ll want to keep trying until you get to that person.

Karma of Family and Friends 

We each belong to a soul group, and we often help each other work out each other’s Karma: this is why family and friend bonds are some of the most trying and rewarding of karmic relationships.

Friends and family often awaken our deepest darkest flaws, fears, shortcomings, childhood patterns and tropes we default into.

I think we are meant to transcend and change whenever we are being challenged by a friend or family member: whether we are the ones at fault, or they are. This is because often they are forcing us to face unresolved or even hypocritical aspects of our character: because they love us so deeply, they wish for us to be the most honest, truest and highest aspect of ourselves, and their role is to chisel our beingness until we reflect the authentic light of our soul origin.

Family and friends mirror for us negative behaviors and patterns we exhibit that we do not want to see in ourselves: whether it be selfishness, laziness, greed, pride, or umbridge at the slightest of imperfection.

They push us to raise our consciousness and ask us, perhaps not deliberately but inadvertently, to become better people in the process: to escape the lower demons of our egos and embrace the inner angel of our true nature instead.

We might be put into a position to challenge a cruel family member or friend so that they can be better people, we might fail in trying, but our resistance does matter and has great influence, and we ought not to put up with any level of unkindness though it come from the people we love the most.

The End of Karma

I believe the end result of karma is here to deepen our love and empathy for each other: once enough of us have truly lived in each others shoes,!we will all know, finally, that we are one and the same, and that the Mayans got it right when they spoke the words  “in lakech”, you are my other self.

It’s about balance and alignment, bringing us back to our true cosmic nature, and the divine order. The universe is self-healing and self-correcting and though they may look like a chaotic mess half the time, our relationships are seeking a type of divine perfection.

Not a single one of us is not playing the game of Karma, and so it is wise to heed the word of Jesus when he asked us not to judge, for we invite judgement upon ourselves.

Because judgment makes love conditional for all of us, and true love is unconditional.

In order to release ourselves from the bonds of self-judgement and judgement of others, we must learn to accept that others are mirroring aspects of ourselves we still need to heal.

Let us use our relationships to heal then, and not to create unnecessary drama.

Excercises To Release Our Karma

1. Instead of reacting at first, go within. Instead of reacting to somone who hurt you, first go within, heal what that person is triggering for you, release any traits that this person is mirroring for you, address any shadows you may be carrying, any blind spots. Finally, once you cleared the emotions up, approach that person from a grounded and calm place but still let them know they hurt you. Taking time to process the experience helps us ensure we are not creating more Karma by overreacting or acting from a triggered space of intense emotion and lack of awareness. This only adds to the drama and worsens the situation: cool your head first so you can react with common sense and so the situation does not escalate.

2. Do not engage if you are certain things could only worsen. This ones hard but I have learned that it is really better to block or disengage from somone who is being hurtful and it is clear they will never come around to seeing things from your perspective. A red flag is somone who fabricates things our of thin air or unfairly perceives you in such a negative light that it borders on the absurd: these people are not well and their sickness may affect you deeply, especially if you are a sensitive person. However, if somone is upset at you but also displays a level of common sense and they open to seeing things from your perspective, and are open to have a respectful discussion about it, I would invite you to have a conversation with them, even if you both end up agreeing to disagree.

3. Avoid Narcissists: narcissists are very toxic people who only care about themselves and display no empathy or the capacity to feel guilt, remorse, or shame. If somone keeps hurting you and they don’t seem to care or understand how they could have hurt you, leave that person immediately, they are narcissist. If somone keeps taking from you, whether it be love attention, money, or your time and energy, and they never reciprocate in any way, shape, or form they are likely a narcissist. The suffering and pain narcissists put us through increase our karma but also suck the joy out of living. It’s common for highly sensitive people to attract a narcissist because empathic people are very giving and loving and usually very selfless: narcissists know this and so love to take advantage of empaths all the time. (I recommend the book by Judith Orloff, An Empaths Survival Guide, to learn more about being an empath.) A warning: if you try to leave a narcissist, be prepared for them to use emotional manipulation, like making you feel like your are just as bad as them, or utilizing “gaslighting,” or making you distrust your view of reality by, for instance, accusing you of being the narcissist and not them when it’s obvious to anyone who is objectively watching the situation that you are the one being treated unfairly. It’s always good to get honest feedback from friends and family if you are not certain whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist or not. But do not expect the narcissist to change or suddenly become self aware of their hurtful ways. Narcissists notoriously avoid all forms of self awareness and self introspection and so it renders them nearly impossible to change.

I know you want to heal them, but that’s not your role, leaving them may be the only chance for them to wake up and finally change.

4. Revisit your past lives. If you feel that your current relationship could be stuck because of a past life issue, I highly recommend scheduling a past life regression. Just remember past lives are here to help you in your current life and that past lives are not for entertainment, but to heal what is possibly blocking you in the now moment.

5. Talk it out: if you haven’t done so already, schedule some time to talk with a friend or family member about the challenges in your life, not all problems are meant to be solved on a solitary basis, the healing paradox is that only we can save ourselves but at the same time we really need outside support from our fellow humans; so as long as you don’t demand that your friends and family to be your Superman, letting them be a sounding board I think provides valuable insight you just can’t get from your inner self.

6. Give: instant karmic balance is achieved the moment we give to another, whether it is money, time, energy, wisdom, healing or just a chance to smile and laugh. This is the easiest route to karmic balance because it doesn’t matter who it is or what it is, giving to others is how we restore our karmic balance sheet, this is because we truly are here for each other.

7. Recieve: this may be a tough one for you healers out there, but I am telling you that the moment you help another, the universe sends you a gift in return, but I have seen it time and time again: healers refuse healing for themselves and the gifts god is trying to send their way. I want to seriously challenge you to ask yourself if that makes any sense to you or if you could possibly be acting from a unconscious negative belief system or an unconscious feeling of unworthiness. I have seen many healers have a knee jerk reaction to saying no to outside help, assistance and healing and it honestly worries me. Healers above all else are worthy and deserving of the gifts of this universe, so I ask you just to be more open to recieve by taking your time with it, don’t just refuse gifts offhand, even if you truly believe you are okay and don’t need the gift, acknowledge still that you are deserving and you are worthy of the gift anyway.

8. Reach out. If you’re having trouble, don’t go it alone, ask for help please.

9. Help out. Be of service to others: ask people how they are doing, how you can help them, let them know you are here for them. I have learned that sometimes people are afraid to reach out because they assume you’re too busy for them, or you are not interested, or able, to help them. Letting them know your available to help let’s them know your door is always open when they need it.

10. Adjust to boundaries. The truth is not everyone will respond kindly to your wanting to help: don’t take it personally, I know that’s hard for me, too. I gracefully respect their wish to be left alone. I’ll be honest: some people will be very rude, some people are not used to getting people wanting to help them, so they’ll reject you because you represent something out of the ordinary they can’t understand. But there are others who will very much appreciate your kindness. But when dealing with people, you are going to inevitably make a mistake because everyone’s is different and there will never be a one-size-fits-all approach, so practice self-forgiveness and learn from it, but don’t stop helping, because people really do need it.

Much love,


Categories: Writer's Journal